Friends, most of the time giving compliments is harmless and, indeed it boosts the recipient’s mood. But certain compliments can have implications that are far from complimentary. If some comment makes another person feel uncomfortable, or even perpetuates a racial or gender stereotype, then that compliment is now insulting. There are certain things you should think twice before you say- no matter how good is your intention.
Here are some COMPLIMENTS, which may turn into INSULTS:
1 Hey, you are on time
When you compliment someone that he/she has come on time, you think you are rewarding good behavior. But your compliment may have the opposite effect, which is ‘you are just pointing out lateness is his/her normal routine’.
2 Your new hairstyle makes you look so much younger
People love getting compliments on a new look but when you add on anything extra you run the risk of pointing out that they looked not good before, here it may imply that your old hairstyle made you look old.
3 You are a really good driver… for a woman
This complement has many nauseating variations and is often used as a subtle form of racism, sexism, or other problematic biases. Phrases like these are more than just ‘insulting compliments’.
4 You did a fantastic job handling that project on your own
You may be trying to give someone their hard-earned credit but this can also be a backhanded way of saying you are not a team player. In some section of society or culture that values group or family success over individual achievement, this may not only feel insulting but also humiliating.
5 You are so gorgeous
Who does not like to hear that you find them attractive? Commenting on someone’s appearance when you do not have a close personal relationship with them- like a coworker, casual acquaintance, or stranger- can make them feel uncomfortable or even harassed, depending on the context.
6 Great job getting that ‘A’, you are so smart
Complimenting your child for doing something well is good parenting. But complimenting their achievements can seriously backfire, making them think that is all you care about. It is more important to compliment your children on the actions that reflect your family’s values, like persistence in the face of discouragement, helping others, or working hard toward a goal.
7 You look great for your age
When you tell someone they look great for their age, the subtext is they do not look pretty or handsome in general, instead of subtly insulting their looks, just leave off the qualifier-‘for your age’- and tell them they look great.
8 You are so pretty, how are you still single
There is nothing single people love more than being publicly and repeatedly reminded of their single status, right? Of course not. Adding ‘but you are so pretty’ you are implying that not only are they sad spinsters but there must be something else wrong with them keeping them that way. As a rule, don’t comment on someone else’s relationship status unless she brings up the topic first.
9 You have a pretty face, you should smile more
Since it is often said by men to women, it can also be interpreted as the female not pleasing the male by being charming and agreeable at all times. In reality, the fact is that you are not in charge of other people’s moods. Want someone to smile? Pay them a genuine compliment or tell them a joke.
10 Wow, you’ve lost so much weight, you’re not fat anymore
Weight is such a sensitive topic for so many people that you really should not give unsolicited comments about a person’s shape and size unless they want to talk about their weight loss, they will bring it up. Saying you are not fat anymore implies that earlier they were fat.
Waiting for your views on this blog.
Anil Malik
Mumbai, India
12th January 2023